


slow dancing in the dark

by bookishpanda



Series: Sanders Sides Shorts [14]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Songfic, break ups, mentions of romantic moxiety, sad Janus, vague mentions of Janus releasing Remus, vague mentions of Orange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookishpanda/pseuds/bookishpanda
Summary: Janus tries to move on from Virgil, who is now with Patton.inspired by the song "SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK" by Joji.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Shorts [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067366
Kudos: 9





	slow dancing in the dark

_i don't want a friend (just me), i want my life in two (my life in two)_

_just one more night_

Janus tried to ignore the tears that were streaming down Virgil’s face, the eyeshadow underneath his eyes starting to streak as the words left his mouth. Janus wished he could cover his ears with his gloved hands, he wished he could run out the door and into the street or upstairs and lock the door behind him, but his feet were glued to the spot. He had to listen to this. Listen to how Virgil had grown so close to the moral side that something happened between them. And now Janus was going to be left alone again.

_waiting to get there, waiting for you (all night)_

_i'm done fighting all night (waiting for you)_

They were supposed to spend the night together, planning for things that now would no longer happen. Instead, Janus sat on the couch, waiting, listening, and now… now they were yelling at each other. This was the fourth consecutive night they had stayed up until the sun bled through the blinds and onto their pale faces. He was so tired of this. He was so tired of not being loved in return, so he isolated himself.

_when i'm around slow dancing in the dark, don't follow me, you'll end up in my arms_

_you have made up your mind, i don't need no more signs_

Sometimes Janus would put on jazz music in his room as loud as he could, not caring if he bothered the others. He’d move to the music, pretending that Virgil was in his arms, and dance. Except one night someone did step into his arms. His eyes snapped open to see Virgil, who had clearly been crying. They didn’t speak; they just swayed to the music, breathing deeply, but all the while knowing exactly what it meant. Virgil’s mind had been made up, but the words had not yet been uttered.

_can you? can you?_

_give me reasons we should be complete, you should be with him, i can't compete_

He sat in the dark corner of the room, unseen by the others. They were decked out in holiday sweaters, and Janus felt cold, seeing the way that Patton encouraged Virgil to sing. Later, when Janus snuck into the moral side’s room, he wanted to rip the card into shreds. Best friends. Janus couldn’t compete with the love and acceptance that Patton had provided. He needed to make a move. It was time for him to come out of the shadows.

_you looked at me like i was someone else, oh well_

_can't you see? (can't you see?) i don't wanna slow dance (i don't want to slow dance)_

_in the dark, dark_

Janus adjusted the gray sweater on his shoulders, looking in the mirror. Maybe he’d get away with this. Maybe now, Virgil would look at him like he used to, even though he didn’t look like himself. 

He asked so earnestly if they were friends, but the anxious side saw through it all. And then Patton was there, telling him that he was in his spot. So Janus sank out, threw his hat to the floor, and resigned himself to forever be the villain to the person he loved the most. 

_when you gotta run, just hear my voice in you (my voice in you)_

_shutting me out of you (shutting me out of you)_

Fight or flight. That was what anxiety was, and so when he fled, the words from Janus were the ones that rang through his brain. Take care of yourself. Put yourself first. But it wasn’t right, so he shut those thoughts out, tried to erase that voice from his memories. Janus tried to force them in, tried to get Remus to have the snake-like voice echo throughout the mind palace. It didn’t work. Too many times when it happened, 

_doing so great (so great, so great), you used to be the one (used to be the one)_

_to hold you when you fall, yeah, yeah, yeah (when you fall, when you fall)_

Janus couldn’t forget the moments that Virgil came running into his arms during moments of pure nervousness and panic. He’d hold the anxious side close, whispering sweet nothings. Back then, Janus thought that they’d always be together. Whenever Virgil fell or needed help, he was there. But now Virgil was better. He was doing great on his own, and he no longer needed Janus to protect him. He had others to love and support him, and didn’t want Janus anymore.

_i don't fuck with your tone (i don't fuck with your tone), i don't wanna go home (i don't wanna go home)_

_can it be one night? can you? can you?_

Janus got on his knees and begged. He cried. It took everything out of him to not leave Virgil’s room for good, but he needed to try once more. Even if it was just for one night. Even if the feeling of Virgil’s arms around him stung him like a thousand wasps, even if he knew Virgil’s moans and pants and whispers were lies. He could feel the lies sucking all of his energy away, but he stayed when they were done. He held Virgil for the very last time, trying to remember the way his lips curved as he yawned, trying to memorize the scars on his body. Janus wished he could bottle the smell of him up so they could always be together.

But, when Virgil woke up in the morning, he was alone. 

_give me reasons we should be complete, you should be with him, i can't compete_

_you looked at me like i was someone else, oh well, can't you see?_

_i don't wanna slow dance (i don't want to slow dance) in the dark, dark, in the dark, dark_

Janus stood at the podium, eyes glued on Virgil who sat at the witness stand. The anxious side was looking at him like he was a stranger, and Janus winced to see the way his eyes trailed over to the glasses-clad lawyer, hope and adoration in his dark eyes. It killed Janus, but he knew he could never be better than Patton.

He was ready to unleash the kraken, he needed to build up the rift between the others. He had to do it. And if he had to release his final weapon, he’d do that too. 


End file.
